13 Ways to Deal with a Cheating Partner

We all like to think that we won't need to know the different ways to deal with a cheating partner. Sadly, some of us will find ourselves confronting the subject.

So what can you do if it happens to you? It's not always a simple issue; many of us would leave, while others would try to work it out. Here are some of the ways to deal with a cheating partner.

1. Don't Blame Yourself

One of the most important ways to deal with a cheating partner is to place the blame where it belongs - with them. Some people react to being caught out by blaming their partner.

It was their other half's fault for not giving them what they need! But nobody pushes someone into someone else's bed. Don't let them avoid the responsibility for what they have done.

2. Confront Your Partner

Now that you know that your partner cheated on you, it's time to confront them. Keeping this information to yourself won't help things so it's best to get things off your chest.

How you confront your partner will be up to you, but it's best to try and stay as calm as possible. I know you're angry and humiliated, but it's better to have a calm conversation and state the facts.

3. What Can You Forgive?

Everyone has a different concept of what they can forgive. For me, any cheating would be a deal breaker and would end the relationship. Other women feel they can forgive a kiss, but not sex.

You may not know what you could deal with until it actually happens. Perhaps you could forgive one person but not another.

4. Are They Sorry?

It's very easy for someone to say that they are sorry for cheating, but do they mean it? If they are genuinely contrite, rather than sorry they got caught, it may be worth considering forgiving them and continuing the relationship.

The problem is that once the trust has been broken, it's rather difficult to believe anything the cheating person says …

5. Set Rules

If you feel that you can trust them in spite of what they've done, setting rules may help. For example, they won't keep their phone secret, or they agree to end contact with the other person.

Ask them to follow rules that make you feel more comfortable. This shows a commitment on their part to rebuild the relationship.

6. Time

When your partner has cheated, it will take a long time to rebuild the relationship. Even if you believe that they truly regret what they did, you cannot just wipe the slate clean and act like it didn't happen. Both of you need to be prepared for it to take as long as necessary.

7. Second Chance

Only you can make the decision about whether or not to give your partner a second chance. If you decide it's worth it, make it very clear that they only have one more chance - and stick to that.

If they cheat on you a second time, they should be history. Remember the saying 'Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me …'

8. Renegotiate

Just because your partner seems genuinely sorry doesn't mean everything is okay. A conscious decision was made to cheat and it is their responsibility to make things up to you. Renegotiate the terms of your relationship in detail so your expectations are clear.

9. Don't Try to See The Other Side

You might spend a length of time trying to make sense of this whole ordeal, but don't. There is no excuse for cheating and trying to see things from your partner's perspective and taking their side will not help you or your relationship at all.

10. Find Support

This is obviously a very trying time for you and surrounding yourself with supportive friends and family is imperative. We all need time alone, but don't shut your friends and family out - they want to help!

11. Take Care

While your mind might be busy thinking about your relationship, don't forget to take care of yourself. You're going through a difficult time right now, but that doesn't mean you should neglect yourself. You'll also feel better when you take care of yourself and make yourself presentable!

12. Let Go

If you decide to forgive your partner and try again, remember that constantly bringing up the infidelity and throwing it in their face won't help. If you're unable to truly let go and start over, it might be better to just move on without your partner.

13. Move on

If the relationship cannot be salvaged or you feel that cheating is unforgivable, then your only option is to move on.

That's easier said than done when you may have invested a lot of time and emotional energy in your partner, but it has to be done.

In time, you'll recover your confidence and joie de vivre, and find someone who thinks so highly of you that they would never want anyone else.

Being cheated on leaves you with some tough decisions to make. You may feel reluctant to break up a long relationship, or worry about how you'll cope financially and emotionally if you break up.

If you want to continue, that is your right, but never stay in a relationship because of low self-esteem or the fear of being alone.

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Shock as ‘dead man’ walks out of Naivasha hospital mortuary

Shock and disbelief engulfed Naivasha District Hospital when a man who had been certified dead walked out of the mortuary 20 hou

rs after his “death”.

There was drama as mortuary attendants scampered for dear life when the dead man stirred “back to life”.

When he came to, from his deathly slumber, the 24-year-old suddenly realised that he was among the dead and asked to be let out.

The mortuary attendants did not wait, they took to their heels in all directions.

“One of the attendants ran towards the gate shouting. This drew my attention and I went to see what was happening,” said a guard at the hospital.

The guard entered the morgue in time to see “one of the dead” move his legs and stretch his hands. He also took took off, aghast. He then informed nurses and doctors about the strange goings-on.

The medics went to the mortuary to confirm this, and true to his words they found the man alive and moved him to a ward.

 Paul Mutora, who hails from Limuru,  was admitted to  the hospital on Tuesday in critical condition after he attempted to commit suicide by drinking a pesticide.

Mutora allegedly took the poison after fell he fell out with his father.

The superintendent in charge of the hospital, Dr Joseph Mburu, confirmed the incident saying investigations had been launched to establish how the patient was wrongfully declared dead.

Donkey cart

He attributed the patients ‘dead’ condition to a drug that is used on patients who have taken poisonous substances.

“The drug makes the heart to beat slower and this might have confused medical personnel, but the victim was saved before he could be embalmed,” he said.

Mburu said the patient had previous records of attempted suicide, adding that he was responding well to treatment and would be released from the hospital in the next 24 hours.

According to his father, Mr James Karanja, he had an argument with Paul Mutora after he damaged a donkey cart, which he had sent him to ferry farm produce to the market with.

After the argument, Mutora threatened to commit suicide and hours later he drunk the poison.

“He was rushed to Naivasha District Hospital in critical condition and admitted,” he said.

The father explained that the condition of his son deteriorated on Wednesday evening and at 11pm, the family was informed he had passed on and the body moved to the hospital morgue.

The family started communicating the sad news to friends and relatives.

“The family was notified and the body wheeled to the morgue where it was put on the cold slab with an identification tag. As a family, we started informing relatives of the sad news,” said Karanja.

Yesterday morning, Karanja, accompanied by relatives visited the morgue and viewed the body and returned home to start funeral arrangements.

 “But in the afternoon we were informed, he was alive and were left in shock. We have indeed confirmed he is alive and has been moved to the ward,” the father said.

Mutora who looked confused and groggy asked for forgiveness from his father, saying he had learnt his lesson.

“This was a mistake from the start and I apologise to my father as I prepare to go and take care of my wife and child,” he said.

News that a dead man had ressurrected spread like a bushfire in the lakeside town, attracting scores of curious members of the public who wanted to have a look at the man said to have gone to hell and back.

However, this was not the first time for a ‘dead man’ to come back to the land of the living.

In 2012, a man was  killed by mourners in Nairobi after he came  as they were preparing to transport his body upcountry for burial.

The young man reportedly knocked off the cover of his coffin, sat down and started to untie his tie. Wrongly believing the former university student was a ghost, the mourners attacked him with stones, and killed him instantly.

-www.standardmedia.co.ke

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Moses Wetangula escapes unhurt after his car is shot at in Nairobi

 Bungoma Senator elect Moses Wetangula escapes unhurt after his car was shot at near City Mortuary in Nairobi as he drove home.

More to follow...

-http://www.standardmedia.co.ke

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Why Nairobi marriages flop

December, the month of love, is gone; thousands of come-we-stay marriages consummated, the dust settled on expensive honeymoons. But as newly weds settle down to the financial ravages of January, a sobering fact: Three out of ten people would not marry their current spouse again, according to an Infotrak survey. The survey, Status of the Institution of Marriage in Kenya of 2011, revealed that more than 60 per cent of Kenyans are unhappy in their marriages, 29 per cent of marriages are headed for the rocks, with more than half of the respondents reporting serious conflicts in their marriages at least once every month. And nowhere, perhaps, is this truer than in Nairobi. Atta Gori, a PR consultant and happily married family man, says the city comes with unique challenges that can easily cause a couple to drift a part. “My wife and I spend on average four hours daily in traffic between Ongata Rongai and Nairobi, where we both pursue different vocations. It is stressful and tiring. By the time we get home at around 8pm in the evening, we are both tired. Yet we still have to help our seven-year-old sons with homework, put them to sleep, take a bath, and have dinner. “We sleep late on full stomachs, barely half an hour after dinner, because we have to wake up in the wee hours of the morning. By the end of the week, we are exhausted. The weekends are no less busy with church activities, laundry, chamas and family engagements. Nairobi life is tough and miserable. That is why I miss village life, which, unfortunately, I can only enjoy only once a year,” he says.
Mueni Wambua, a city resident who describes herself as a ‘realist’ concurs, saying, “There is a sense of ‘community’ in the village that keeps couples together. They ask themselves ‘if so and so’s marriages broke down, we need to check ours....’ But in Nairobi, it’s every man for himself and peer pressure and the stress of keeping up with the Kamaus can put a lot of strain on a marriage.” So couples live under one roof, do communal shopping and pool their finances together to pay bills but retire for the night in separate bedrooms or, if in one bed, separated by an invisible ‘wall of China’. They might be seen together in social places, in church and family functions, yet the spark died ages ago. Couples locked in loveless marriages often say it “for the sake of the children”. But prohibitive legal costs – estimated by a local daily to range between Sh200,000 and Sh500,000 - and messy court process littered with dirty linen discourage troubled couples from terminating their marriages while others hang on because of family influence or religious factors. Nairobi-based relationships expert Dr Chris Hart, however, says there are lots of couples who are very happy in their unions. “It’s just a small group of people who are unhappy and unfortunately they are prominent. This makes them noticeable - hence making them look like they represent the bigger picture of the state of marriage in Kenya. But in the real sense of the word, the institution of marriage is way better now than it was years ago,” explains Dr Hart. But he points out that the problem for Nairobi couples could stem from being uprooted from rustic rural settings with a different culture to an urban jungle.
-The Nairobian

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6 Signs Your Relationship is Strong Enough to Last a Lifetime

It's a new year, which means it's time for new goals, new resolutions, a new you. But hopefully the one thing you won't be trading in this new year is your relationship. I'm getting to the age where most of my peers are walking down the aisle, where I'm witness to new and blossoming love. And admittedly, as a married woman who just celebrated her sixth wedding anniversary (by working at the hospital for a 12-hour shift, woohoo!), I am starting to feel a little jaded about love. I know the truth about marriage. That the shiny new presents, the grandiose party, and the blissful honeymoon suite with the in-room hot tub does not a happy marriage make. Relationships take on all sorts of different shapes and sizes these days, with couples choosing not to marry yet live together, or to forge non-traditional family units. So just what is the key to a lifelong, lasting union? Check out these 6 signs your relationship will last a lifetime!

1. Trust your gut

Apparently, the real test of a relationship's longevity is actually incredibly simple. Time reports that a group of scientists measured how happy couples were by simply showing them pictures and asking them to rate them as either "happy" or "sad" after first asking them to look at pictures of their spouses. The couples who took a long time ranking the "sad" pictures had happier unions, while those who quickly identified the sad pictures ending up breaking up. The reason? At some unconscious level, unhappy couples who looked at pictures of their spouses were already in a "sad" mood, and thus could easily and quickly pinpoint the sad pictures.

2. You are a better person with your partner than you are without

I can honestly say that my relationship with my husband has made me a better person. When we first started dating, I was a miserably moody, unconfident, and insecure person and I took out a lot of my feelings on him. These days, I still struggle with those issues, but he has helped me to learn how to "fight fair," and he has been the rock that I know will never leave.

3. You don't depend on each other for happiness

While I don't think this is meant to be confused with the fact that marriage can make people happier, I also fell trap to the thinking early on in my marriage that my title as a "Mrs." was also my ticket to happiness. I thought for sure that having a husband who loved me would make me the confident, skinny, happy person I longed to be, but lo and behold - that didn't happen. Marriage is a source of happiness no doubt, but marriage alone cannot make you happy.

4. You don't believe in soul mates

There's an inherent and underlying danger to the premise of soul mates when you really think about it. After all, if it's true that we have soul mates, then who are we to take an active part in our relationship? If you're destined to be, you will be, right? Well, no. Unlike the concept of effortless love that soul mates can portray, choosing a relationship is an entirely different matter. Personally, I love how blogger Hannah puts it, when she declared to the world in a post gone viral that her husband was not her soulmate: "... I delight in choosing to love him every day. I like it better this way, with the pressure on me and not on fate, cosmos, or divinity. I will not fall out of love, cannot fall out of love, because I willingly dived in and I'm choosing daily to stay in. This is my joyous task, my daily decision."

5. You have realistic expectations

Glamour Magazine reported that one of the easiest and best ways to tell if a relationship will last is if a couple displays realistic images and portrayals about each other and their relationship - meaning, no unrealistic expectations about a life of pure bliss and toilet paper rolls that change themselves. This also means really grasping the concept that people don't change, and it's pretty much always a recipe for disaster if you go into a relationship expecting your partner to change for you.

6. You dream about the future together

Not in a way that keeps you from enjoying the present together, of course, but in a way that ensures that you will have a future together. Setting goals together, making plans for the kind of life you want to live with your partner, and checking in along the way helps to keep you connected as you dream together.

-Babble.com

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Mystery of Abduba Dida’s double appointment

 It is now emerging that President Uhuru Kenyatta and Devolution Cabinet Secretary Anne Waiguru made parallel appointments of Abduba Dida as the chairman of the Constituencies Development Fund.

Following the appointed of the same person in two separate Gazette Notices on different dates, questions are arising as to whether there is a communication breakdown in the Jubilee administration.

Queries are also being raised as to whether the President and his Cabinet are getting sound legal advice.

Ms Waiguru appointed Dida on December 27, 2013, through Gazette Notice Vol. CXV-No.181 while the President made the same appointment on December 31, 2013, four days later, through Gazette Notice Vol CXV-183.

The two Gazette notices refer “powers conferred by Section 5 (4) of the CDF Act 2013” in making the appointments.  However, both the President’s and Cabinet Secretary’s appointments were irregular.

Under the CDF Act 2013, it is only the Cabinet Secretary responsible for matters dealing with CDF (Devolution Ministry in this case) who has powers to appoint a chair of the board, but that appointment is restricted as the chair has to come from among members of the CDF Board, who also must have been vetted by Parliament.

The Devolution Secretary has since moved to correct her mistakes and revoked the appointment through Special Gazette Notice Vol. CVX-No.3 of January 3, 2014. The President is yet to rescind his appointment but sources indicate it will be done by Friday.

The notice signed by Waiguru stated: “It is notified for the information to the general public that Gazette Notice No. 15728 of 2013, issued under section 5 (4) of the Constituency Development Fund Act stands revoked.”

Dida’s appointment sparked outrage with MPs accusing President Uhuru of violating the law by appointing him. This is the second time the Jubilee administration has been embarrassed by being forced to withdraw an appointment due to public pressure.

Last year, the President was forced to withdrew the gazettement of former Naivasha MP John Mututho as chairman of the National Authority for the Campaign Against Drug and Substance Abuse since he made the appointment unprocedurally.

RUTO’S DEFENCE

Yesterday, Deputy President William Ruto defended the revocation of Dida’s appointment as chairman of the CDF. Ruto said the decision was arrived at after realizing the appointment of the former teacher-turned-politician did not follow due process.

He said the President had revoked the appointment to allow the vetting process by Parliament as required by the law.

“This is not the first time the President has had to revoke an appointment, last year we saw him withdraw the name of Nacada boss John Muthuto and we saw the man who is really passionate about his job get his post after vetting by Parliament,” Mr Ruto said.

The Deputy President revealed that Dida would get the job once all the legal processes are finalised to pave the way for his gazettement.

Nyamira Senator Mong’are Bwo Okong’o and Lugari MP Ayub Savula welcomed the move by the President to revoke the appointment of Dida saying that will allow due process to take its course.

Okong’o challenged Kenyatta to seek wider consultation before making civil service appointments as revocating them was costly and likely to damage his reputation.

“It is important the President has realised he erred in the appointment and has decided to correct it, which is a good gesture, but he should in future receive proper legal advice before making appointments,” Okongo told The Standard.

Savula said Attorney General Githu Muigai had failed in his duty as legal adviser to the government and by extension had embarrassed the President.

He said the President violated the CDF Act, which requires that the Cabinet Secretary for Devolution forward three names to parliament for approval before picking one from the list

 “We are not against anyone taking up positions in government but the law is clear on the procedure of making appointments with regard to chairpersons of parastatals, and that must be followed,” Savula said.

The chairman of the National Assembly’s CDF committee, Moses Lessonet, asked the government to speed up the appointment of the CDF board chairman so as not to affect the disbursement of money to constituencies as the seat is vacant.

“The President appointed Dida and then revoked the appointment of Ms Jennifer Nafula Barasa, meaning the position is currently vacant,” the Eldama Ravine MP said.

The chief executive officer takes over in an acting capacity in the absence of the board chair but cannot approve disbursements to constitution.

-www.standardmedia.co.ke

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